Sometimes I think I feel too deeply. Too strongly. It's like I was born with an extra dose of sensitivity, or something.
My highs are high and my lows are low. They've been that way as long as I can remember. And for the longest time, I hated it. I desperately wanted to be able to reach some emotional plateau and stay put, in some sort of mentally regulated zone that would sound an internal alarm, should I plunge below "standard emotional level X," or skyrocket above "standard emotional level Y."
But I can't.
It's like I have some insatiable urge to feel. To bury myself in my own thoughts, or those of someone else, going as deep down as I can possibly go. Pain is part of the process. I'm not actively seeking it--that's a downside, some inherent, involuntary, emotional masochism--but it's bound to happen when your heart naturally conjoins with another's. You just feel whatever they do, whoever "they" are. But there's an upside: love. Extraordinary, deep, deep love. And that's a damn good upside, if you ask me.
I'm also not seeking out to be a world-class nurturer or problem-solver, and maybe this way of life inevitably leads to more suffering than average. But I'm okay with that, it's who I am. There's no need to cover it up or try to fight it. If anything, I've learned to be grateful.
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